Feedback styles
Feedback fuels growth, but not all feedback is the same. Researchers Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen identify three distinct types of feedback, each serving a different purpose. Knowing which type you are giving - and which type the other person needs - makes feedback far more useful.
When giving feedback you most often:
Appreciation says "I see you, I value what you do." It recognises effort, contribution and progress. It is not just praise; it is acknowledgement that the person matters. Without appreciation, people feel invisible and disengage. Examples: thanking a colleague for staying late, recognising a quiet contributor in a team meeting, sending a note after a tough project.
Common mismatches
Most feedback problems happen when the giver and receiver want different types:
- The manager gives evaluation ("you're at the expected level") when the employee wanted appreciation ("I see how hard you've worked").
- The employee asks for coaching ("how can I get better?") and the manager gives evaluation ("you're already fine").
- The colleague offers coaching but the other person hears evaluation and gets defensive.
Practical guidance
- Lead with the type. Say "I want to give you some coaching on the presentation" or "I just want to appreciate the work you put in."
- Ask what the person wants. A simple "Are you looking for feedback or just to think out loud?" prevents most mismatches.
- Separate evaluation from coaching. A formal review is not the time to also coach in detail - the evaluation overshadows everything else.
- Make appreciation specific. "Thanks for your help" is weaker than "Thanks for spotting that error before it went to the client."
- Coach in small, frequent doses. Saved-up feedback delivered in one go feels like an attack.
Great teams use all three types regularly, in the right balance, and are explicit about which one they are giving.
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