Introduction
Feedback is one of the most avoided tasks at work, and one of the most poorly delivered when it does happen. Vague praise builds no real skill. Harsh criticism triggers defensiveness before the message is even heard. Silence, which many managers mistake for neutrality, is itself a message - usually "this doesn't matter enough to raise".
Good feedback is specific, timely and focused on behaviour rather than character. It is also a two-way skill: how you receive feedback shapes whether people keep offering it to you honestly. A team where feedback only flows one way, or where it is softened into meaninglessness, tends to have problems that surface too late to fix easily.
This course covers the four common feedback styles, a simple structure for delivering hard feedback clearly, and how to notice and manage your own defensive reaction when you are on the receiving end.
To help learners deliver clear, specific feedback and receive feedback without becoming defensive.
By the end of this course you will be able to:
- Tell the difference between coaching, praise, criticism and silence as feedback styles
- Use a situation-behaviour-impact-ask structure for hard feedback
- Explain why vague praise and vague criticism both fail to build skill
- Spot your own defensive pattern when receiving feedback
- Give feedback that names what worked as well as what needs to change
Four styles of feedback
- Coaching - asks questions and builds the other person's own thinking, rather than handing them the answer.
- Praise - names specifically what worked, which builds confidence and repeats good practice.
- Criticism - names what did not work. This can build or break trust entirely depending on delivery, which is why the structure below matters.
- Silence - says nothing. This is itself a message, usually read as "this is fine" or "I don't think it's worth raising", neither of which may be true.
Most people default to one of these styles regardless of the situation. Noticing which one you reach for by habit is the first step to using the others deliberately.
Part 1 of 2
A team member's report has good analysis but a confusing structure. You want them to fix it without losing their confidence. What do you say?
A structure for hard feedback
Situation - behaviour - impact - ask.
"In yesterday's meeting (situation), you interrupted Priya twice (behaviour). It shut the conversation down and we missed her point (impact). Can we agree to let each other finish next time? (ask)"
Four sentences. No "always", no "you are". The structure keeps the focus on a specific event rather than a character judgement, which is what allows people to hear it without becoming defensive.
Receiving feedback without going defensive
Defensiveness is a normal reaction, but it can be managed. Three habits help: pause before responding rather than reacting instantly; ask a clarifying question ("can you give me an example?") instead of explaining yourself immediately; and thank the person for raising it, even if you disagree with the content, so they feel able to raise things again in future.
Your feedback default
When giving feedback you most often:
6 questions. Pick an answer to see whether it is right and why.
1.Which feedback style asks questions and builds the other person's own thinking?
2.Why can silence count as a feedback style rather than neutrality?
3.In the situation-behaviour-impact-ask structure, what comes after describing the impact?
4.What made the feedback about the confusing report structure effective?
5.Which habit helps you receive feedback without becoming defensive?
6.Why is vague praise, such as just saying 'great work', less useful than specific praise?
Feedback habits are often shaped by workplace routines rather than individual choice. Check the following.
- Does your organisation have a structured process for regular feedback, such as one-to-ones or appraisals?
- Is there guidance on giving feedback to colleagues at the same level, not just from managers?
- Who would you speak to if you felt feedback in your team was consistently too harsh, too vague, or absent?
- Coaching, praise, criticism and silence are all feedback styles, including saying nothing
- Specific praise builds skill; vague praise gives nothing repeatable
- The situation-behaviour-impact-ask structure keeps hard feedback focused on behaviour, not character
- Explaining the impact on the reader or the team helps feedback stick rather than feel arbitrary
- Pausing and asking a clarifying question reduces the urge to react defensively
- Thanking someone for raising feedback, even when you disagree, keeps the channel open
Think of one piece of feedback you have been avoiding. Write the four sentences now.
Your reflection is saved to your CPD log when you mark the course complete.
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