- Recognise assertive, aggressive, passive and passive-aggressive patterns
- Choose a calmer response in a high-pressure conversation
- Identify your default style and one habit to change
Why style matters
Most workplace friction is not about what people say - it is about how they say it. The same message delivered four different ways lands four different ways.
The four styles you'll meet:
- Assertive - clear, calm, respectful. The goal.
- Aggressive - loud, blaming, status-driven.
- Passive - quiet, agreeable, avoids conflict.
- Passive-aggressive - says yes, behaves no.
A colleague pushes a piece of work onto you the day before you're on leave. You want to say no without damaging the relationship. Which response is assertive?
Style under pressure
Everyone has a default style when calm and a different one under pressure. Most people drop one rung: assertive people get aggressive, passive people go silent, passive-aggressive people get colder.
The most useful question is not "what is my style?" - it's "what is my style when I'm stressed, tired, or out-ranked?"
Find your closest style
A teammate misses a deadline that affects you. You:
Three habits that move you toward assertive
- Name the impact, not the person. "This deadline puts me in a bind" - not "you always do this".
- Offer one option. A no with an option is easier to hear than a flat no.
- Pause before agreeing. "Let me come back to you in an hour" is a complete sentence.
Write one sentence: a conversation you'll handle differently this week, and what you'll do.
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