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The science behind dramatically better conversations
Charles Duhigg - TEDx Talks
Charles Duhigg explores why some conversations connect and others miss the mark. His practical, emotional and social conversation lens helps you consider whether someone needs a solution, understanding or a conversation about identity and belonging.
Key takeaways
- Listen for what kind of conversation the other person wants.
- A practical answer can miss the point when someone needs emotional understanding.
- Ask questions that help you understand their perspective before offering advice.
Reflect on it
- When did I offer a solution before understanding how someone felt?
- What question could help me check what they need from our next conversation?
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Charles Duhigg, author of Supercommunicators, explores why we sometimes talk past each other even when both people want a useful conversation. The talk offers a lens for recognising what kind of conversation is happening.
Practical, emotional or social?
A practical conversation might be about deciding what to do. An emotional conversation might be about how someone feels. A social conversation might involve identity, belonging or how people see themselves. These are lenses rather than rigid categories: a conversation can move between them.
Applying it at work
Imagine a colleague describing a frustrating project. Offering a task list immediately might be useful, or it might miss their need to feel understood. Ask whether they want to explore options or talk through what happened. Listen to the answer before moving into advice.
Use the same pause in one-to-ones, appraisals and conversations about change. You do not have to agree with someone's interpretation to understand their perspective.
Read alongside the talk
Build the listening side with practical active listening skills and Celeste Headlee's conversation rules.
Turn it into CPD
Watch the talk, reflect on one conversation that missed the mark and log what you will try next in your free Passport.
Add this to your CPD log
Sign in to save what you've read - we'll create a free CPD log for you.